Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize