You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
