You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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