Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
