FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
