I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My vagina is officially offended.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
