I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
