I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
