loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
