it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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