is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize