i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
