Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
