i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
