ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
