Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
