my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
