it wasn't lemon gatorade
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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