Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
