Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
