I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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