Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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