can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
