I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
