i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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