im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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