how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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