why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
