I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
