It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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