i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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