Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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