One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
