I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
