go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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