I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
