4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
