This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
