thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
