Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize