not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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