Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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