just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
