Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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