Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is it penis luge time yet?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
