If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
