I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
