cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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