I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
