So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
