pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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