just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
