problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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