its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
