I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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