everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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