Just fell off a train. Bad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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