I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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