im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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