the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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