You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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