Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
