You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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