It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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