over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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