I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize