We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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