i just had sex bonerless
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
