I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
