Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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