So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize