A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize